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From Mme Martin to Mme Guérin CF 39 - September 7, 1868.

From Mme Martin to Mme Guérin

September 7, 1868

I’m truly touched by the very affectionate concern you showed me, and I’m very grateful to you for it. I’m sorry that poor Isidore is sick, but he has to be reasonable and resign himself to the will of God.

I preach to others, and I’m hardly reasonable myself. Saturday I looked everywhere for my father, it seemed to me that I was going to find him. I couldn’t imagine that I was going to be separated from him forever. Yesterday, I went to the cemetery. To see me, one would have said, “Here is the most indifferent person in the world.” I was kneeling at the foot of his grave, and I couldn’t pray. A few steps away I knelt by that of my two little angels, the same apparent indifference….

I walked along a path I had taken five weeks ago with my little baby and my father. I couldn’t tell you all I was feeling. I didn’t pay attention to anything happening around me. I looked at the places where my father had sat, and I stood there, almost without thinking. Never in my life had I felt such heartache. When I arrived home, I couldn’t eat. It seemed as if I would now be indifferent to any misfortune that happened to me.

If you knew, my dear sister, how much I loved my father! He was always with me, I never left him; he would help me as much as he could.

This morning I received a letter from Élise. She told me that, at first, she cried so much that she lost her voice, but now her soul rejoices in thinking of the grace God gave us in the holy death of our father. Apparently, within the Community, they’re making the Stations of the Cross and offering their Communion for the repose of his soul. I intend to request one hundred and fifty Masses right away for my father and mother, and since I know well that in the years I still have left to live I won’t have peace of mind if I don’t arrange for more to be celebrated. I intend to come back to this later. Finally, if my brother wants more, we can make the arrangements together.

© Society of St. Paul / Alba House

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