From Marie Guérin to Céline - September 14, 1894.



From Marie Guérin to Céline - September 14, 1894.

Poor little darling,

       I will come and see you, but I do fear I won’t be able to come all alone. And yet, I have so many things to tell you… Oh! What a difficult separation it was!!! I wanted to keep my promise and not shed a tear, but I wasn’t able to. When I heard sobs around me, I couldn’t hold back my own. However I fought hard to resist… so hard that if I hadn’t had a wall to lean against, I couldn’t have stayed standing very long. Entering the chapel I was as dizzy as a concussed goose and couldn’t walk very straight.

     Darling wolf, now it is all [lv°] over… I felt so sorry for my poor father… he loves you, you see, more than you would ever think. He is beginning to recover a little but we can’t mention either his Francis or his Jeanne to him, for it is Céline he sees everywhere. This morning he sobbed more than once and especially at lunch. We can’t even place a dish in front of him without him saying: “She can’t have any, she…” and he starts weeping again.

       But now everything is calmer, he keeps busy like I do by organising all your little belongings. Hearts like to dream and busy themselves with doing anything that might remind them of those that have left us. As soon as I arrived home, I hung the photograph of you above my little desk. I can’t tell you how often I have kissed it and [2r°] looked at it with ever so much affection. It speaks to me and does my soul a great deal of good because your expression says but one thing: Take heart… let’s battle for heaven…

         You alone know what I must endure and what void you are going to leave at home: have pity on me, but you see, deep down, I am very brave, much braver that I would have thought. If I weep often, it is because I restrain myself too much in front of everyone. I am rivaling poor Léonie, I’ve already soaked three handkerchiefs.

       As soon as I see that you are now happy, I will no longer feel sorrowful. Whatever you do think of me this evening when you put on your little slippers, you promised you would.

       Did you pass on my messages to my [2v°] dear Mother? (Marie de Gonzague). 

Give her as many kisses as you can for me, and most importantly tell her how much I love her. Give my love to my three big sisters, too. I ask everyone to eat you up with kisses.

Your little darling