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From Marie Guérin to Thérèse - May 29, 1889

 

From Marie Guérin to Thérèse.

May 29, 1889

The Guérin family, accompanied by Céline and Léonie, visited the Paris Exhibition from May 23 to 31. This letter seems to be a con­tinuation of some written or spoken confidences of Marie to her cousin Thérèse; we have no trace, however, of these confidences.

May 29, '89

My dear Thérèse,

I am coming again to bother you, and I know in advance that you are not going to be pleased with me, but what do you expect, I am suffering so much that it does me good to pour all my pains into your heart. Paris was not made for healing the scrupulous; I no longer know where to turn my eyes. If I flee from one nudity, I meet another, and so it goes on all day long. It's enough to make you die of sorrow; it seems to me I do this out of curiosity, I have to be looking everywhere. It seems to me that it is to see evil. I don't know if you will understand me; I have so much in my poor

head that I don't know how to sort it out. Neither does the demon fail to bring to my mind all these evil things that I saw during the day, and this is another subject of torment. How do you expect me to receive Holy Communion tomorrow and Friday? I am obliged to abstain from it; this is the great trial, for never have I felt so much love for Holy Communion. I feel that I would be flooded with consolations; I would feel fortified if I could have God in my heart. Otherwise, my poor heart is so empty; it is filled with sadness, and nothing can distract me. Oh! what a city Paris is; one is much happier in the little house on the rue Condorcet. Do you know where I feel the most joy? It is when I am in Church; at least, there, I can rest my eyes on the Tabernacle. I feel at home, and all the rest is not made for me; I don't know how one can live here. As far as I am concerned, this is a veritable hell.

I am sorry, dear Thérèse, for not having written you earlier. At least, you would have been able to answer me, and this would have done me so much good to be consoled a little. However, I would really like to receive a little note of consolation when I return to Lisieux, if this is not asking too much, and if you can't answer me at Paris; to do this you would have to write me tomor­row, Thursday, in order for me to receive the letter on Friday morning. On Friday night, I shall be in the city of my birth, and it is the best of all. I look upon Paris with horror.

Pray for your little sister Marie, who loves you with her whole heart.

Pay my respects, I beg you, to Mother Marie de Gonzague and Mother Geneviève, and recommend me to their good prayers. Kiss Marie and Pauline for me.

 

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