From Marie Guérin to Céline - October 15, 1890

From Marie Guérin to Céline.

Lisieux, 15th Oct. 90
My darling Céline,

It’s your little Marie again, she is very far from wanting to neglect you, if she could write again in the following days, she would do so, but she would risk the post office being the only recipient of her news. She is even so afraid of her letter not reaching you that it is going to be put in the post before eleven o’clock. My Mimi chéri1, we have just [1 v°] received your letter. I am very pleased but I know it bothers you, and that overshadows my joy.  

I was at the Carmel yesterday, and Thérèse began her visit by scolding me, telling me that I was not sufficiently detached. She does not understand that I am sad at having given you up for five days; however, I pointed out to her that I was sad because I knew you were unhappy. She answered that you were much more detached than I am and that you were not as sad as all that. Then I told her she was heartless, and she closed the grille in my face, opening it again after a minute.

Both of us had a very nice visit for three quarters of an hour; Mother Marie de Gonzague was unable to come. Thérèse told me something that I had not dared tell you in my last letters, believing this would annoy you. She said, as I do also, that certainly there was not another person on the pilgrimage who made it with as much merit as you.

Darling little soul, you have left a big hole in my heart that no one can fill. You have inflicted it with a great wound that will remain raw until it can show you its affection. There’s only you, and you alone, who can fill this part of my sick heart. No distractions or shows of affection can fill it; it’s even cruel to feel one’s heart so keenly at times. Nevertheless, I am not yet half-way through my days of exile. However don’t believe I am as unhappy as I perhaps seem; my heart [2 v°] is suffering but I’m bearing this suffering very valiantly; I’m even excessively cheerful, more so than you’ve ever seen me perhaps. I find great comfort in surrendering everything I have to God’s will. My Mimi chéri, are you well? are you very distressed? If only you knew how hard I’m praying for you, I’m with you everywhere.

Thérèse told me yesterday that surely you will receive some consolations from the Sacred Heart just as the Blessed Virgin gave you some at the Grotto. You had not told me that you received consolations at Lourdes; you tell me absolutely nothing but your sorrows, so I am always sad, but it is so sweet for me to share in the sorrows of my Mimi.

I haven’t received any letters from the Father. I close your louvered shutters every day so that his portrait won’t fade.

Whatever happens, the secret of all those letters that have been written must be well kept, inform Léonie of this.
Your little sister whose love for you is always growing

[2 v° tv] I’m afraid of upsetting you, I assure you I really am very happy. I’m not at all bored; I’m less upset than I thought I’d be.

1 Term of endearment.

© Washington Province of Discalced Carmelite Friars, Inc (for the published sections)

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