From Marie Guérin to sr Geneviève - July 12, 1895. Fragment



From Marie Guérin to sr Geneviève - July 12, 1895. Fragment

(...) first page withdrawn.

[2r°] difficult moments that I feel even more affection for you.

       Concerning 14th August, I will ask Papa when we discuss my entry. I am very tempted by this date and I would pray that God grants me this grace, except that I surrender myself to him. I don’t want to hope for it too much; this might be the way to obtain it.

       It is poor little Jeanne who talks about my entry the most to me. Her greatest desire would be for me not to return to Caen before my entry, because she says it would be too painful seeing me come for the last time. And yet I have to go, I promised Léonie I would, and I would also like to go and see Le Chesne (dentist). Tell me what I should do.

       You know, you said you didn’t understand why so many people had been invited to La Musse around the time of my entry. You even said to me: if I were you, I would mention it. It’s a good thing I didn’t say a word on the subject [2v°] because Jeanne’s greatest sorrow is seeing that in the last week nobody will be staying with us. She even did everything she could to have Marguerite Lahaye to stay, because she says it will distract her and prevent her from thinking about the sacrifice. I had guessed as much and that is why I didn’t want to prevent the invitations from being sent out.

         Oh, how hard these last days are!!!... I don’t know how I’m managing to continue living, and I feel quite like crying… Papa has been more cheerful these last two days, but today he’s becoming sadder again. All he does is worry about me and each time we come back from an outing he only wants one thing; to know whether or not I enjoyed myself. Hardly anything else matters to him. As for Mama, she must be being very brave, because she is always cheerful.

       I haven’t hurt you, have I? I’m not hurt anymore; if I was, it was only for a moment. I have thought hard about what you said and I, too, find I am selfish. Since I read your letter, I have ardently tried to fight this flaw when I come across it, because deep down I believe it isn’t very deeply [2v°tv] rooted in me. – The other day Mrs. Lahaye told Jeanne that she thought I would become a Carmelite because I looked too angelic. Upon hearing “looked too angelic” I almost died laughing. Unfortunately there is only the tune without the song. I came in half-way through the conversation and found them both in tears. She doesn’t know that my entry is set for the month of August; my arrival interrupted their conversation, but Jeanne will tell her.  

       If only you knew how much fun I’m having with the two babies, I do nothing but play mother with little Marie (Marie Lahaye, born on 6th January 1895), I’m making the most of being able to enjoy being with babies, who have always been particularly fond of me.

I love you, you know, more than you think. And don’t feel sad, I am very pleased, even, that you wrote me that letter (It can be presumed from this reply that Sister Geneviève had severely reprimanded her cousin. This would be the reason for the withdrawal of the first page); I need stimulation from time to time.

From your little darling, who knows you love her very much.


Back to the list